Seldom Told

It's been a while

2011-12-05T23:15:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since I've updated this blog. I can say I got distracted, but honest lack of interest has caused it to become a labor.

I considered coming back several times, only to reconsider.

Well, I'm back. Thought I'd just post some random thoughts.

Life is rough for some, easy for others. Slow for most, fast and exciting for others. It can be good at times, and very bad at others. There are only so many slots for happiness. I am not really into being happy all the time. I am not a sad, drool person all of the time, but I do not feel the need to be overly happy. Is that a bad thing?

In Shape

2007-11-11T16:32:00.000-08:00

In the rush to become more healthy. Some of us forget what is important-

There are those of us who view our bodies as a temple. Others view it as well, a garbage dump. How you view your body and treat it is very important. I of course think I am the hottest shit on the block. On the other hand, years of abuse (sex drugs and rock and roll, baby) have taken their toll. In one recent visual poll of Dno's students, an average age of 150 years was decreed. This added to a train pass which clearly states that Dno is 45 years old (a bit off reality) is upsetting.

To all of those out there who are suffering abuse but are to pompous and deluded to care about it...I am one of you.

Sincerely,
The Dno

Lumpy Nippleskin, a love story

2007-06-27T22:26:00.000-07:00

*Warning, this here is some messed up shit!!!

A long long time ago, there was a boy named lumpy. Oh, how Lumpy loved to play and dance and sing and be gay (happy you sods). Lumpy was smart too. Yes, he was quite the clever one.

One day, Lumpy strolled through some woods and happened upon a group of Oopsicles. They were all crying and couldn't be calmed by his gentle voice. So, clever Lumpy decided to sing them a very gay song. Slowly, they all began to turn gay themselves. The joy could be felt all around the wooded areas and even the woodland creatures began to show signs of their gayity. Soon, the group pf Oopsicles were sll calm and ready to tell Lumpy their sorrows.

Apparently, the Evil Poopsicle clan had taken young princess Oopsicle into their underground Evil Poopsicle fortress mini-van. There they were to violate her very young and virgin Oopsicle lips and every other sweet Oopsicle orifice with their very hard and quite evil Evil Poopsicle sticks. This happened last Tuesday and the worlds of grief were spit forward by Oopsicle Grand Masters Pepe and Carlos.

"I will save the princess," said Lumpy all gay. I will save her and have right back here today.

Lumpy Nippleskin took off in a haze of gay light like a rather quite charming yet horseless gay knight. He ran up and down hills, and swam over a lake, then he jumped over a mountain...of ants on parade. It didn't take long, just a moment or two before he picked up the scent of Evil Poopsicle poo. He rushed in head with a whio in his hand to the passage leading to the underground Evil Poopsicle fortress mini-van.

He found the van a rocking with Evil Poopsicle men abound, and with a thud he was hit and his face struck the ground. He awoke with a blinding pain in his ass and a the sounds of Evil Poopsicles just having a blast. He was tied with his whip and been gagged in his mouth and also been forced into an anal up crouch. He thought and he thought of just what he should do then he realized the gag was a gag made of Evil Poopsicle poo. He bit it and swallowed and bit down again as he turned into an Evil Poopsicle man. He slipped out of his bonds and searched for a sword, then he dispatched countless Evil Poopsicles with discord. As he cleaved and he hacked, he slashed and he wacked every Evil Poopsicle Clan Man in the pack.

When all was done and all settled Lumpy spit out the shit, and he rubbed his sore ass as he heard a, "psst...psst." It was the Oopsicle Princess all covered in poo and she wimpered seductively, "Hey, I haven't had you." Lumpy's Evil Poopsicle stick reacted and what a delight, but Lumpy was still Lumpy and could not bear the sight. He huffed and he puffed and and they mingled all night.

In the morning, poor Lumpy was tired as hell and reverted back into his old body as well. The princess, she noticed and a sweet song she sung, titled, "By the Gods you are hung!!!" He quicly covered himself and pulled up his trousers, the last thing poor Lumpy wanted to do was arouse her. He explained had come to her rescue and said that, "the other Oopsicles solemly miss you!" Yet she ripped off his pants and they started to dance, as they smoked smelly poo weed and watched green lava lamps. It took a few days and gay songs to boot for the princess to let Lumpy put back on his suit.

He returned her right back to her Oopsicle lair, and she gave him a medal saying "Switch Hitting Player." They hugged and they kissed and they danced two days more, then Lumpy popped the question and the princess was floored. Yet, she spoke; "Now listen you stunning hero and lover. I could never marry to you nor another. Don't you see? Your daddy, Floyd Nippleskin...is my Brother."

The End

Benoit, how I handle it

2007-06-27T07:37:00.000-07:00

It has been a few days since Chris Benoit, his wife, and his seven year old son were found dead in their home. I hang my head in shock and shake it slowly in remorse. I want to say that I have the answers to this one, I don't. I love wrestling, and the death of wrestlers always affects me. Whether they perform as heals or baby faces (bad or good), they are all heroes to me. It doesn't matter what happens to them between the last I see them perform and their last moments on earth, I see only what I need to see...because they are my heroes. It is great to hear if a wrestler is doing well after they leave the business. It is saddening to hear when a wrestler has fallen to lows that even a poorly writen wrestling storyline wouldn't think of touching. Unfortunately with Benoit, he is one of the later. That said, this is not a "Say it ain't so!" moment. This is a "he was a good man...up until last weekend" moment.

What Mr. Benoit did is bad, very bad. It is an evil thing made worse by the fact that he placed bibles around the dead, including himself. It seems as if he tried to purify, to make everything right, to open the gates of heaven to his family. I still respect him for what he did to entertain in one of the hardest industries to successfully perform in. I do not understand why he did what he did, but I chose to not remember him by what he did in the last two days in his life. I do take in what he did. I realise that it is not something someone who is "right" would do. I am not saying that he was nuts. I am not saying he wasn't. This is just not normal. One can only say that no matter what, he was ill.

The WWE caught some flack for their initial response to the tragedy; the three hour Benoit tribute. WWE did right by doing a tribute. I am glad they did it when they did. I am afraid that there will be little or no chance to reflect on the man and his family without mention of the killings and suicide. For Mr. McMahon to come out of character and blow a storyline out of character, that showed how much of a man he really is. I have unlimited respect for him and his organization.

Knowing the who, the what, the when (aproximately), the where, the how, but not the the big bad why (other than the obvious fact that he was not in the right mind). I do know that another tower has fallen. I bow my head for Chris Benoit, his family and friends, and the fans who respect the business and the people who make it great. I chose to remember him for what he did for most of his life, not the last day or so of it.

Sony vs GOD

2007-06-10T16:39:00.000-07:00

Well it has been a while, but I decided to dedicate some time to this. I am feeling like being a dick. (Note that this arguement is one-sided. Bitch slap me later if you diagree with my opinions.)

Sony has put images of an English Cathedral in the game "Resistance: Fall of Man" for the PS3. The church has taken offense at the image of Manchester cathedral being used. Well, it is a likeness and not a picture.

Let us visit Sony's defense. It says that the game is not based on reality, the cathedral in the game is contrived by artists and not made by digital reproductions, and the game is for entertainment...thus the game part, I guess.

Don's comments; "Sony is little too nice." The church is not based on reality, it is based on something called FAITH. There is also a saying that you should choose your battles wisely. The fact that the church has an image of not being "up to date" with the rest of the world on several issues has erroded it's power. The fact that there was a little sex scandle involving little kids that blew up in the church's face doesn't help much. Sony could have made a crude but reasonable remark that it never made nor funded a game depicting a young choir boy running to escape various member of the clergy (now that game would have been sacrilegious...but funny as hell...so to say).

The church says that the images of people bringing guns into the church hit a little close to home (Manchester seems to have a gun problem). The church also invites many young people to visit the church each year (most likely to see the beauty and so on of the church), and they feel that having the image of the church in the game has ruined their efforts to show these kids that church is not a place for shootouts. Also, the church is not too happy that the makers of the game did not ask for permission to put the church in the game.

Don's comments: Well, the gun problem is the city's and not the church's (unless it is...). The church could ask its members to not buy the game and boycott Sony. The church could stop acting like an angry child and become leaders in the community by preaching that guns and violence are not good for society (Note; this is for the gun problem in Manchester and the violent games). The church should find better ways to attract young people to the religion. Perhaps...a singing competition game where a young chior boy tries to...impress members of the clergy. They could put messages and biblical learnings in it as well as use it as a way to teach young members religious songs...without parents worrying about their kids getting buggered.

I am sure this will offend, but I am not totally awake yet. I post this not to piss people off. I post this because I haven't posted anything lately and this seemed like a good chance to b me.

D

Rocky Stones

2007-02-23T21:06:00.000-08:00

Geodes have been around for a while and they look quite pretty. I have been interested in those stones for a long time, but budgeting and moving limited my acquisition of the ones I was interested in. Here are some of my current collection of stones.

The larger Geode has a Jasper Sphere inside. In front of them is a Tiger's Eye Sphere and a Geode Pyramid (you can see rows of quartz crystals in the pyramid). Between the two Geodes is a shard of Citrin Quartz...umm, if you look carefully, you can see that the crystal has a light top and a dark bottom. The top is actually clear. It wasn't clear when I bought it. The whole thing was one light brown color. For some reason, it changed. I had it inside of the black Geode for about two months before I realized that the color changed. I took it out and threw the Jasper in its place.

The Geode on the left, the blue one, is interesting, but not outstanding. It is fun to look into. The stones here are power stones, but the black Geode is like the Grand Daddy of 'em all. For all I know, it gives off radiation (the fact the crystal changed color is odd). I get most of the stones because I like them. The black one made me uncomfortable cat first, but it also made me curious. Kind of like getting assigned a teacher in high school known for outright failing students and also for getting the good ones into the best colleges. It gave off a weird vibe. Walk near it and it feels like the thing is biting into you. Not much different than when some poor fool walks into the shitter after me; the smell of my shit is enough to make a grown man cry, gag and fall to his knees in both agony and respect. The black Geode is currently the star of my collection. There are stronger and more attractive stones out there, but this one fits me quite nice.

In other news:

In Japan, a group of TV Celebrity sisters The Kano Sisters (probably not actually sisters by the way) had an issue with stealing. There are three of them but the oldest and youngest are the only ones we have seen or heard about until lately. The middle one (who could actually be related to one of the other sisters) apparently stole about 500,000,000 yen from their office. Ummm, isn't that kind of hard to do? This isn't pocket money that you just leave lying around. Anyway, why these ladies had all this money in their office is an issue. Why they had so much was an issue for some of students (they were not aware that these ladies are high class call girls). Honestly, it seems like a promotional trick, like a mystery sex video dropped on the net.

Laters

Chinese New Year

2007-02-17T15:24:00.000-08:00

Happy Chinese New Year!!!!!!

Shark Dicks and Ass wounding toilets

2006-08-21T05:39:00.000-07:00

Here is something to tell the grandkids.

Instead of slicing this up and serving it raw, some Japanese pacifist (this is sarcasm) ripped off this man-eater's willy and encased it in plastic for all to see. I am a bit surprised that they don't have Shark Dick Dildos (yes, I do go to adult toy stores...they are crazy and entertaining). However, I did see a robot arm you can put a pocket pussy on...well, it had a remote. How lazy do you need to be.

Now, this is the toilet which almost ripped my ass off. I am sure you have heard of the Japanese ass washing toilets. Well, this is one of them, but the jet is like what comes out of a fireman's hose (not his dick).

I am pretty sure I jumped a few feet into the air and out of the range of this sadistic invention as the surgical like jet cut into my ass flesh. And the damn thing wasn't even set on full blast.
Having ulcers in my colon, Iam no stranger to bleeding out my ass, but this is a pretty shitty thing to do to someone's ass. Fuck you evil ass washer. I hope your creators burn for what they unleashed on unsuspecting assholes.

Here are the controls. If you look on the lower left you can see that the level was pretty high, almost full blast. They should label the damn thing Ass Rim Removal and flash a warning.

Summer Report: Japanese Elementary Students; Hard Gay; Bobby; and Dno Beard

2006-08-21T04:34:00.000-07:00

Well, summer is almost over. I actually have the time and energy to write a bit, YaHoooogle!
Let me begin by saying goodbye to some of my students from last term.

This is my other wife, Ms. Hage (bald girl), and her friend. I am oft called names or told really messed up things while teaching. Hage (pronounced Ha...As in hahaha and ge...As in gay) is one of the most common names thrown at me. When she tried I called her Ms. Hage. Then I was branded Mr. Hage by someone else; we were married as a result (dudes, I teach elementary kids, most logic is tossed out till after high school anyway). By the way, Ms. Hage is the one with something growing out the side of her head.

Here we have Strong Mushroom (the tall kid). He is one of most patient people I ever met. He would make a great cop, teacher, doctor, counselor, (person who has to deal with other people), etc. I don't want to say that this kid takes abuse by the truckload, but I do want to say that he has the ability to handle it. This kid was almost always with the "special" class during the recesses. He handled one of the violent kids with the skill of a pro. He always has a smile. He is always laid back. He is sort of like my friend Donnie, the custodian from the University of Toledo's Scott Park campus. Both these guys enjoy their life. Both these guys have made mine better.

These girls are dancing with chopsticks. Remember, I mentioned the lack of logic. Perhaps someday they will make a dance troop called THE DANCING CHOPSTICKS and dance to the song..."Chopsticks."

I played with these kids when they were waiting to go home. Sometimes they waited for me to leave to walk with me.

This was right in front of the bike parking. They mobbed me.

This is Bayaya on the right. I can't remember all the kids names. I know Ms. Hage's real name, Strong Mushroom introduced himself real early. And Bayaya here really loosened up when S. Mushroom and I talked with her. Usually, she and I would look for Stong Mushroom and would end up throwing around a ball with him in the special class's room.

I am assuming that the blur on the bottom is my finger.

Next: Hard Gay

On the right is Hard Gay (aka. HG; aka. Razor Ramone). On the left is Real Gay (aka. RG). HG and RG visited Sano City for the festival this year. HG and RG are both pro wrestlers and comedians/TV personalities. They brought out a crowd. Billy loved it.

BTW, Hard Gay became engaged to his GIRLFRIEND just two days before appearing here in Sano. I guess he will change to Hardly Gay.

I guess logic continues to be lacking long after high school for some.

And Bobby...

I know this pic sucks, and I will fix it, but it is the only one I have right now. Bobby was a TV personality for years, and then became a Shoot Fighter in the little known outside Japan K-1 fighting circuit. He also came to Sano. And just before the festival. He is a really nice guy. Seems to loved kid. He pretty much pulled Billy from the crowd to give him a signed T-shirt.
Thanks Bobby.

The Beard. The fuzz you see on my chin is my summer beard. You could call it a goatee, but this is all I get. It be my beard.

Stone in shoe?

2006-07-11T00:26:00.000-07:00

Kidney stones are no laughing matter, and I respect that. Last night was a bitch. I woke up about 4 am tossing and turning because my lower back was wrought with piercing pains. The pains lasted. No amount of stretching or yoga like positioning helped. I woke Kumiko up eventually. I puked several times. Ran to the toilet in hope that passing gas (like when my ulcers flared up) would help. It didn't. On and off till about 6 when I downed an advil (probably a year expired) I was in pain. The advil didn't kick in until about 7 ish when I laid down on an ice pack.

I got to the hospital about 9 and was told I wouldn't be seen by the doc until about 10ish (actually, more like 11ish). After a piss test, an x-ray, and a unltrasound, I was told "no stones!" Whew, but then what the fuck? THat shit hurt. The ulcers where about the same, but the pain was displaced cause there were three of them. Because they bled like crazy, I was also a bit out of it each time they flared up. This back spazm turned me upside down.

All is well now, but I do have a sore back.

In other news, The Jeff informed me of a new word (probably not totally new) AssQuake. Yes, for 'dem powerful farts that tear through car seats and send ripples of fear (mostly of the smell) to us poor humans. AssQuake.

Dno Vision

2006-06-09T21:36:00.001-07:00

Just a quick notes about what I heard this week and what I think about it.

Iran

They have the world by the balls right now. They are pretty much in a no lose situation as long as they play the game like they have been. To those not listening to the news, Iran has been offered talks and an incentives package by the US and the EU to stop pursuing their nuclear ambitions. Iran, unlike North Korea, is not starving their people, has a source of income through natural resources, and does not really "need" anything but a sense of security in a volatile region.

That said, they can be hurt by sanctions, but threatening Iran will not work. Thus the sanctions only anger them. The US must be careful when talking to them. Iran does have an advantage and makes a good point in suggesting that a nuclear Iran is safer (for them) than a non nuclear one. They do have the right to defend themselves. And the US needs to realize that it can no longer BULLY other countries into doing something.

Gay Marriage

A friend of mine asked about my views on gay marriage. Well, in India, a lady decided to get married (notice the past tense) to a snake. A cobra actually. Yes, and said Conrad allowed another lady to marry a dog not so long ago. Kinda takes the bite outta same sex marriages when you marry out of the species. Not to long before someone marries a pet rock, dildo, or pocket pussy.

Crazy Folk

A lady in northern Japan had her daughter found floating down a river not so long ago. Soon after that, her neighbors kid turned up dead. This little boy was in grade school still and was close to his home when last seen (kids usually walk home in groups and often accompanied by an adult).

While this was going on, the lady started complaining to the media's news outlets that the police botched the investigation into her daughter's death, saying she was most likely killed and didn't drown as the police had concluded. She also added that the police were quite rude to her. Hmmm.

Well, it didn't take long before the media and the police made a connection about the lady. They checked her appartment and found several things: bunny hair (there was some on the boy's clothes when they found him, the boys piss (it was in her enterance way...they assume he pissed himself as being strangled), tire tread (her car's treads marched the tracks left near where the boy was found), and a possible reason for the boy's death (either this lady is a murderous bitch...if she killed her daughter too...or she killed the boy outta spite/revenge for her daughter's death--the make other people feel like I did).

If she did kill the boy outta spite, it must have been tough because as the boy's murder mystery became more and more national news...her daughter's death became just an afterthought. She almost did too, but she tried to make noise (lots of it).

That's it for today

Don

Mr No Pic

2006-06-03T03:00:00.000-07:00

Well, it has been a while, but I thought I'd post today because our new fiber optic internet service has started. Hell, my phone works now (and I can get a new fax machine...a story for later).

Work is great. I started at three elementary schools in the city south of here. It is a damn good thing that I am good with kids and have experience teaching English to them. Patience is not key...quick thinking is. There have been several cases in the last month where I chalk it up to experience to me walking out of the class without a new ulcer.

The city I am working in is of decent size and has a total of 11 elementary schools. I will visit all of them. However, first things first, and the schools I am currently visiting are very different.

One school is near the middle of the city. It was built just 16 years ago and is populated by kids in a new (new like the school) residential area. These kids are a bit shy, but can take care of the studying without a problem. The teachers at this school are very quick with behavior problems, and they do have them at this school. This is a good school to study at.

School 2 (actually school 5, but who cares) is on the eastern side of the city and a bit far from the center of town. Not far enough to be in the middle of nowhere, but not close enough to be considered inner city. This school seems to have kids trying to find their identity. Cute kids but a little to jumpy or apathetic (depending on personality or swim schedule). This is a good school to grow up in, unless you are one of those poor people with no life and no personality at all. Not a good place for quiet kids who just want to be pushed through the system.

School 3 (actually 8) has a number of good points. Friendly, open, and willing. I worry about the friendly part. They are a bit too friendly. I have kids from all age groups running up and hugging me. The fourth grade girls (and boys...) will hold my hand to drag me somewhere they want me to go. Boys usually just grab my arm, but holding hand isn't considered homo here. These kids are not shy. They love to play, but damn, they are not shy (NOT in the "I'll show me mine if you show me yours!" way). They come right out and meet you (except for the odd giggly girls--a rare sight at this school). And these kids will do about any lesson you want them to. Granted they say "NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!!!!" when you tell them you are going to teach them something (just like giving them medicine), but that goes back to good point one and two. This is a great school to build motivation, charisma, and friendships.

Whew, I thought I'd write pages upon pages about these schools. Good thing my brain shrinks to the size of a peanut on my days off (thus the reason I can't get anything done at home). Anyway, I have been busy at these schools on top of my part-time teaching deals and my family.

I will try to get some more time to write more fun and entertaining things later on, but for now, you get what you pay for...

Dno out

Morals

2006-05-04T07:50:00.000-07:00

Little Johnny and his best friend Grady were sitting on a hill next to their bikes to watch the sun go down over the mountains. They were laughing and telling stories about how their mothers are goofy and what the divorcee down the street was wearing that afternoon.

Suddenly, Heath the Heathen, the six foot school bully, strolls up behind them and pushes them down the hill. He takes Grady's bike and throws it against a tree, bending the frame (Heath is pretty tough). Heath then gets on Little Johnny's bike and takes off laughing, his huge body balancing on the tiny bike. He passes the boys and makes it onto the road just as a big 'ol truck comes speeding by.

The truck swerves and misses the heathen as he peddles like a circus clown down the hill. The truck's tires run-up the side of the road and knock a few rocks out of place. These rocks tumble down the hill with a snowball like effect. These rocks speed past the boys and soon pass six-foot-blunder.

The rocks accumulate quite a following as Grady says it looks like a landslide. This landslide does in fact take out the old grey tree at the bend on the foot of the hill. The tree twists as it falls and takes with it a good helping of power line. The line is pulled off the poles leading up to the boys and snaps about five feet from them. The power line becomes a live snake; spitting sparks and wisps of ozone. The mouth of the snake decends on the six foot moron as he continues to peddle down the hill, oblivious to what he started.

An hour later, as the medics carry Heath's charred corpse away in a Glad Bag, the boys start talking to the officers. "There is a God. Let's not piss 'em off."

Hugs and farts
The Dno

Happy Golden Week

DJ Ozma and Koda Kumi

2006-04-20T17:30:00.000-07:00

Well, you may think I posted twice in the same day...I am doing just that, but the previous post was unfinished...I just polished it.

At first DJ Ozma: Check http://www.dj-ozma.com/

This guy is pretty damn new. (actually it is a side project of a group called Kishidan-a Yankee group-and the single is a cover/parody of a Korean pop song which is popular in Asia). He is funny as hell. His single アゲ♂アゲ♂EVERY☆騎士（ナイト）is energetic and...bouncy. Well, during his few TV apperances, he dances with two other members and a ton of girls. There are sometimes a few other male dancers, but as far as I can remember it is DJ OZMA and the two other guys striping to their undies. The girls are all wearing bikinis or their undies by the end. (Read this again if you fail to notice why I like this guy). "BOUNCE WITH ME BOUNCE!"

I swiped this from
http://www.toshiba-emi.co.jp/capitol/djozma/
You can check out the promotional video. If you want to, put the address (or just type DJ OZMA and look for the toshiba result) in a google search, have google translate it. I love funny translations

(300K / 80K)
(300K / 80K)

If you want to see a TV broadcast clip go to:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=u4FPs55Is8Y&search=Kishidan%20DJ%20Ozma%20Show%20Hikaru%20Yankee%20Rock%20Japan%20Jpop%20Jrock%20Bosozoku

Koda Kumi

Known as Koda in the states before being a huge star in Japan, Kumi Koda (Koda Kumi in Japan) has been slaughtering the charts with the simple plan of releasing two singles a month for the better part of a year. She is a performer and seems dedicated to her craft. She isn't shy about showing skin either.

Her hits include the Cutey Honey movie title song. There is more than enough about her in English on the net, so just look it up if you are interested (lots of help aren't I). Actually, I have been listening to her for a while. She isn't new, but deserves a bit of praise. Very few get on my A-list of talent to begin with, but she hasn't burned out...I respect that.

--------------------------------------------------
These two are artists are interesting and I hope they have staying power (DJ Ozma is questionable though). I know Koda Kumi will probably slow down, she busts ass. but she has talent and knows she can use sex to sell. DJ OZMA is dancing like a monkey, but what the hell do you want. This music is fun; not political, meaningful, complicated, or risque...it is comedy. Entertainment is as entertainment does. Ms Koda and DJ OZMA are entertaining and I tip my hat to them for doing something that grabs your attention...in a good way...not in that "oh my" way.

Some other artists/talents that rank in on my A-list:
Eminem (Funny and smart. The guy is good. Love him or hate him. He was good before the US Congress made him even more famous)
Jeff Dunham (cause I like the Jalapeno...on a stick)
Howard Stern (not because I like his show, cause I respect him and what he has done for the US. He opened the door for guys like the guy below)
Rush Limbaugh (funny as hell. he is an entertainer...not a politician. Some haven't figured it out yet...that's the funniest part. I don't listen to him very often now...not that I ever did, but I do respect him. He gets a reaction, just like the guys below...and he doesn't hold back, like an ass of an older brother who'll never see your point of view. Don't believe me that he's gold...look at his paychecks.)
Pro Wrestling (the whole damn show) (These guys go all out to tell stories while getting the shit kicked out of them. Sadistic as it may be, it tells you about society...people fight--defending yourself is fighting too. Everytime one of these guys dies, I feel it. Everytime one of these guys gets injured, I feel it. And everytime one of these guys moves on to do something else, I am happy. I grew-up watching wrestling. I thought it was as real as a martial arts flick, but these guys were my heroes.)
Jacky Chan (He is basically a movie star doing what Pro Wrestlers do...Pro Wrestlers who do what movie stars do...well, it is getting better.)
London Boots
A Japanese comedy team: These guys are good. Like Rush Limbaugh and Howard Stern, they go for the shock value. LonBoo's style is similar, not the same (like Rush's and Howard's styles differ), these guys go for the gut. More of emotional bad boys than anything. They use their skills to punish the dregs of society (in the past they have pitted "valley" girls against each other, caught cheaters in love triangels, and tortured boyfriends and other talents in a situation where they put them in a place with a pretty girl and see how many times they look).They'll be the future of Japanese TV.

Drew Carey (well, he's from Cleveland, funny, and made a show involving Cleveland. He Rocks.)

April Showers

2006-04-16T06:59:00.000-07:00

Ahh, the nipply chill of April in the morning has once again pounced upon the denizens of us upper hemishereian (it could be a word) folk. Actually, most of this month has been chilly. I wouldn't complain too much, but I got time off this month.

More on Big Billy:

My son told me the other day that he likes "Hot." He stopped at that. He asked if I can remember it. I said, "Sure." Well, let us back up a bit to tell you about my kid. He is a youngin at 4, yet he has caught on to things most adults still haven't figured out. Case in point: I showed him Thunder Cats the other day. We watched a few episodes and he enjoyed it. He loves the Power Rangers (currently the Bouken Ranger series in Japan), and he is well aware of the "Hero Vs Villan" storyline. Now, I ask him what the leader of the Thunder Cats name is and he answers "I like Cheetara." I told him that I didn't ask about Cheetara. The Lion guy, what's his name? "Cheetara is fast." Well, so the kid has an eye for pretty ladies.

Well...

This is Bouken Pink. I can find a better pick, but lets go with this. He used to like the cool Bouken Black. He bashes the enemy with a big ole Hammer. Pink uses a cute squirt gun (ummm, she does...it is called the hydro-shot). Yup, now he has moved on to the cute and pretty.

About the person behind the character: she is 19, likes billiards, likes bodyboarding, and has her own idol website.

Well, and that's not all. Last night we were recycling old clothes and pulled into the lot of Kings Recycled Clothes. In the lot, there were a group of people apparently breaking up to go home. One girl (about 20) came out of the group and walked by our car as Kumiko and I were digging stuff out of the trunk.

Billy asks, "Where are you going?"

She says, "Home."

"By car or walking?" (imitates walking home)

"Car."

"Is that your car?" (points at the car she is headed towards)

He starts to follow her. So we have to stop him and drag him into the store.

Well, at least I know he knows how to play. This kid is a natural. Persistant, attentive, and...young. He isn't smooth and he makes mistakes, but he is far better than most guys I've seen try to pay. I've tried to make him not shy...he isn't unless he knows the girl...or meets her for the second time (during this time he pretends to forget he ever hit on her---he does this often...something like, "it wasn't me!").

Anyway, enough about the kid. Next post is about some talents in Japan.

Good Times Past

2006-04-02T18:06:00.000-07:00

Well, It has ben a while since my last post, and for good reason...I had more important matters to attend to. I left the high school and I am on my way to attending various elementary gigs. I have private lessons lined up and I am all ready to go...In May. Yes, my schedule has been delayed till May, but my contract starts in 7 days. Go figure. At least I get paid.

Now, since I have taken care of all the busy work (for now) I can concentrate on other matters...blogging and goofing off.

=============================================================
Making matters worse!!

While I was off training for my new job, I met all sorts of interesting peeps. One I shall call Mr. X.
Mr. X is interesting because he is rare. He was doing fairly well before this position came up, and is taking a pay cut. He has two cars, no wife (usually you have a Japanese wife or husband if you are in Japan for any amount of time...not counting military of other government related reasons). He is divorced (twice) but not to a Japanese. He has three kids, money, a girlfriend (not Japanese), a tendency to call in pseudo hookers (delivery heath in Japanese), and a knack for downloading stuffs off the net. Now these are not the usuall stuffs like freeware...no this is what Napster got yelled at for.
While Mr. X seems to be doing well, is he hurting society more through his lack of ability to keep a relationship or through his theft?

I know this post has little wit and lacks the charm of other posts, but it does post (haha) a good question. A moral question. Think about it while I figure out what to post next.

Downtime

2006-03-09T19:49:00.000-08:00

Tests are over but grading isn't. I gotta tally up totals and deal out the big red marks of DOOM.
That said, my days as a High School English Teacher are close to an end. Time to move on as this gig won't pay my bills.

Till I get more time.

Dno out.

Passwords

2006-02-15T18:13:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone out there in Internet Land.
More irrelevance. I have had too many serious posts lately (what..."?) so this is dedicated to getting this here blog back on track.

FBI* note mailed to agent Nine Double Ones

Re: Operation Get'er Done

Today's password is:

"I want you to suck on my smelly-hairy asshole."

Your mission is to go to the local Hell's Angels shack down the road from Harry Sax's Bar and Grill in, !#MN"`?>P)=**. When you meet your contact (cleverly disguised as a motor cycle bad guy wearing leather and chains) you will whisper this into his ear. If anyone is trying to listen in, they will just brush the password off as you being a gay biker. Since you will be wearing a government issued, Made in USA*** leather biker suit, we thought the password would work really well.

After reciting the password, your contact will give you further instructions. Follow them to the letter. It is a matter of National Security.

You might be wondering why the suit is red, white, and blue. You are representing America. With these colours as your shield, you will never have to worry (another cleaver idea, we think). You can never have too much patriotism, right?

About the body armour you requested. We felt that it would make you too noticeable if a colourful biker was wearing a bullet proof vest. I mean, does Marvel Comic's Captain America wear a vest? Well, I know he has a shield, and his costume is chain mail, but you have padded leather.

Good luck,
Hairy Tackle
FBI* Head of Operations, Intern

*Federal Bi-polar Initiative
**Encoded for safety reasons (fucking Brilliant)
***USA is in China, for those of you not in the know.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
3 months later
Agent 9 - 1- 1's report.

Dear Hairy Tackle,

Mission accomplished. I know you men and women at the FBI head office have thought this through. I respect your efforts.

I arrived at Harry Sax's Bar and Grill to find out that the Hell's Angels have moved to a small establishment called Mr. Men's Blue Oyster, on the other side of town. I entered about noon and I was relieved to find my contact at the door. Agent Barry Bottums was ecstatic when I whispered the password in his ear. He looked me over and he said I must work at the Oyster.

Bottums asked me to do many things, and I complied just like you ordered me to. Not to worry, years of military service have taught me how to 'take it up the a$$' ever-so-often. Bottums had me interact with the customers and I got as much information out of them as I could. It is all included in the classified portfolio. It was unfortunate to hear that three months after I arrived on this assignment I would have to part. The Oyster was closed and Bottums told me to go back to where I came from. Such a clever code maker, Mr Bottums. He should be given a promotion.
He is so confidant and always says that he performs so much better when he is on top.

This assignment was rewarding and enlightening. I was worried at first, but...thank you.

Loves and Kisses
9-1-1

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'll leave it at that. I know this is messed up, but I am too tired to think up other stuff.
-Dno

Ghosts in the Hallways

2006-01-30T17:06:00.000-08:00

It is said that the high school I currently work in is haunted. About 3 ghosts walk the halls and enter the various rooms, but not necessarily at night.

Main Building: (boy ghost)

Sometimes during a class, a door or hall window will be open just enough for someone to peek in (maybe it opens itself; I heard this a while ago). A student’s face can be seen through the opening and it seems like he wants to enter the room, but he disappears into the hall. A teacher or student might be tempted to open the door to inquire about the student (ask why he’s not in class), but they are greeted with nothing. He’s gone

South Building: (girl ghost)

Another student dwells in the Home Economics Course’s classrooms. She will show up on a whim to attend class. Usually standing, she wears the uniform of several years back. A teacher once wondered why a girl wearing another school’s uniform was standing in the classroom. Well, it wasn’t another school. It was just another time.

Koshinjan Building: (Voices and a Presence)

In the newer building where they have the library, the language lab, the kitchen, and the computer rooms, there is another presence. Another teacher was with some students and getting ready to leave. A storage closet built into the wall next to the staircase was opened, but no light on. It wasn’t cleaning time, so nobody would need the closet, so they closed it. As they did, a scream escaped. It sounded like a girl. It could very well have been a girl. Some other students heard it too. It seemed to come from the closet, but they searched it. Nothing.

There have been some things I have seen and quickly brushed off; the boy’s bathroom door slowly opening and closing as if someone were leaning against it, the crazy hairy monster I saw out of the corner of my eye and sitting on the counter where I teach, the bodies lined up in the rear of my curtained room, just waiting, and the oft sounds of footsteps. The door can be explained by an open window and a healthy breeze. The hairy head would be my bag with wool scarf draped across it. The line up of students was the models for new uniforms which were set up for display. The footsteps are usually someone else…or something.

I have felt things; a shadowy figure watching as I descend the staircase, cold feeling shivering my body in hot room, and a voice…not exactly sure what it is or what it’s saying, maybe a mumble. I sometimes get jumpy when stuff like that happens.

While spooked, one could imagine seeing shoes in a toilet stall and the door opening to reveal nothing. Or how about picking up a pen and noticing there are four shoes under a desk where only two should be. A tap on your shoulder while shitting would freak out most, but not as bad as a scratching sensation on one’s ass while shitting and reading the paper. Not a good feeling? If you’re a guy and hear giggling noises behind you while peeing in an empty rest room…then get your rod caught in the zipper…now THAT is a bad feeling.

I don’t mind getting freaked out on occasion. Hell, many people pay good money to get freaked out. I just don’t want fucked up Casper and his buddies showing up while I teach my classes, take a shit, or piss in the top floor’s usually deserted restroom.

There are no voices:

“Did I scare you out of your skin?”

“We like you. You’ll fit in. Let us in. We want you.”

“Hehehehehehehe, I see you.”

“I like your skin.”

“OPEn! opeN. nOpen. ahiOpen. oPen the door.”

But there are noises.

Noises are harmless, usually helpful.

See any ghosts lately?

Bush Comments-Domestic Spying

2006-01-26T19:02:00.000-08:00

The Bush Administration is trying to make a point. The basic point is that the US should be protected at all costs. While this is all well and fine, it is like a abusive father saying that he beat his kids up because he loves them (Don't you love your kids? Don't you want to see them grow up and be great?). Well, Team Bushy has taken this similar thinking (Don't you love your country? Don't you want your country to be safe?). Please remember that President Bush is not 007. He's not even British.

Do I agree with him? No. The US (President) does not have the kind of power he thinks it has.

Could they get warrants to do wire taps and so on and so forth? Yes.

Why don't they? Maybe they are worried about some kind of information leaking out while in the process of getting the warrants. Not that any info has leaked so far.

Does Team Bushy need to reexamine their own security? Hell yeah! This is not the first time and obviously not the last. The biggest threat lately seems to be that the White House has so many leaks that a million plumbers will just put it off till the next administration, because then it should fix itself.

As Promised

2006-01-26T18:07:00.000-08:00

Ahhhhhh. Sunshine.

Invasion of the Tally-Whackers

2006-01-25T19:51:00.000-08:00

First I must apologize to The Jeff. I in no way meant to infer that he liked to touch other dudes’ Tally-whackers, and I understand that what he likes to do in his free-time is his own business. However, after all is said and done, it’s still pretty funny. Follow the voices Jeff. They seem to know things we don’t.

In light of the Jeff’s assurance that he did not, does not, and will never touch another gent’s one-eyed-monster (denial? HAHA. He gonna kick my little half-ass when he gets back over here in Japan…bet it makes him want to see me even more), I decided to dedicate this post to the phallic. Seeing as I am one of the biggest Dicks ever to walk this planet (just not as well known as my mushroom headed peers) I am comfy writing about the subject. Prepare as we Enter the Penis…

Tally-Whackers of the Future
(funky music plays in the background)

Science is moving in leaps and bounds. DNA, genetic engineering, and some fucked up people are sure to mesh soon. Here is my prediction on some “enhanced” parts. (CAUTION: this is in really bad taste…as are most of this blog’s posts)

1. The Retractable Flesh Monster – For the fellas who feel that their beef gets in the way, or those who just like to use the function to get off.
2. The Crimson Rod of (dramatic pause) Thunder – Why? Just like a sports car, because some guys just want to compensate. The Crimson Rod will never let him (or her) down.
3. The Ribber Phoenix – Ribbed for the pleasure of both partners. It mimics the effect of a phoenix; feels too good so you shoot off early, but stroke it nicely and the Ribber will rise from the ashes.
4. The Leaning Tower of Penis – Speaks for itself. A work of art to behold. Your partner will be left speechless as you pull this outta your pants. Modeled off of a historic landmark, this will show your partner your respect for worldly culture as you take her (this model not recommended for him) to the moon and back.
5. The Wet Willie – This self lubricating rod of wonder gets wetter as you get hotter.
6. Sammy the Salami – A fat, thick, brick of a dick. Great for those times when you need a hard hat and a big fat tool to get the job done.
7. The Jackhammer – Ever feel pale in comparison to a vibrator? This model will take away all of your insecurities.
8. Sammy the Snake – Long, thin, and flexible. Careful with this one, fellas. It seems to have a mind of it’s own.
9. Tricky Ricky– Pretend you’re Houdini as you do more than the typical disappearing act.
10. The Rugged Rider – Ribbed not manly enough for you? This rough model has a rugged surface most SUV’s wouldn’t dare run over. A real man’s dick.
11. The Hairy Hobbit – Like it small and hairy? Prove that personality makes the man as you drop your drawers and reveal this…player. Hairy Hobbit never fails to cause awe and wonder as it fills out quite well. He only needs a little encouragement.

Due to the outright ridiculousness of this post, we have decided to interrupt it in order to make room for something a little more sensible…

Frigging sensors. The Jeff should rip off their… Oppsie, I forgot that The Jeff don’t wanna touch Tally-Whackers. I wonder how long before The Jeff has someone walk by and tell him he has quite a “Pretty Mouth” for a grown man. (Sorry The Jeff, The Dno can’t resist, Pinch me if you must HAHAHAHA).

BTW:
Nothing phallic will be in the next post.

Catching things and other subjects

2006-01-23T16:30:00.000-08:00

Catching things

Not so long ago, there was a story about a guy who caught a baby being tossed outta window of a burning building. I discussed it in a private class I had recently. In the class, the student mentioned a story way back he might have seen on TV. It was about a fire fighter catching an adult jumping outta a window of a burning building (or something to that effect). This is interesting because the fire person actually took hold of said individual.

My comment to this: I would try really hard to grab someone falling from a window (usually). However, if it were a woman, I would put more effort. This is not being perverted, but being rational. There is, after all, very little chance of copping a feel. If it were a man falling, I would try to catch him, but I would be prevented from “GRABBING” as much. Thing is…the thingy. I don’t wanna grab onna some guy’s wang-tang while he’s on the way down (read into it as you like). Me thinks like this:

Attempt to catch: “Hey! I got ya!!!”

Realization of what part of Ya I got: “...Ughhh…”

One of two things happens:

1. Drop old bath robed man and he plummets to cold earth.

2. Maintain hold on robed man’s member as his body plummets to cold earth…then drop old man’s (dis)member.

Then one more thing happens:

Poor dead wet bath robed man lies splat on the ground below, but at least he was fondled before his death. And guess who did the fondling? Yes, I go to bed with the knowledge of fondling an old man just before he passed on. Wonder if he liked it?

Moral:

Don’t let me be a fire person. Let The Jeff grab some dude’s tally-whacker as the naked freak jumps outta a burning building in his bath robes. However, do let me watch as I would love to bug Jeff or whoever rips the poor guy’s sausage off ‘im.

_______________________________________________________

Falling Rocks

Apparently, this morning I picked Billy up and he saw them rocks falling perrty good. I didn’t because he said so. After said rock watcher woke up, I asked him about the rocks, and where I could see them. He said, “Daddy has to close eyes and see them.”

Yup, me kid’s a duffus. But at least he has youth to explain the nonsense. I got…well, lack of sanity. I think a little squirrel gave that to me in a bag. The one he hit me over the head with.

Breaking Toilets

Ever think you’d fart so hard the damn toilet couldn’t handle it? I’m still trying.

Life is a musical

I want my life to be made into a musical.

Songs and dance will all be made with reference to yours truly.

Yes, this makes little sense, but neither do I.

__________________________________

81 Points

Kobe Bryant did something interesting. He scored 81 points in a game. While that is all well and fine, his team scored a total of 122 against 104 for Toronto. While this was a high point game, and his teamates did score 41 points, what the hell was he thinking? Ball hog? Yes. Show off? Of course (he is his team's star player, isn't he). Team player? No.

While he is supposed to be a team leader, what is he showing?

It seems like his strategy is some kind of JUST WATCH WHILE I GO ALL THE WORK thinking. No wonder Shaq moved.

Do I think Kobe is worthless? No.

Do I think he needs to get his team in better shape to win? Yes.

Do I think he's doing this to compensate for something else? Yes

Does he need to be a TEAM player? Well, unless he wants to play one-on-team against the NBA's best I suggest he start trying. If I was a coach of any ability, I'd take him out before he hit sixty (points).

Should other teams already know how to beat the Lakers? Yes. Eliminate Kobe.

Moral (wow, 2 in one post):
To be the best at what you do is important, especially in a teamwork environment. Remembering the team helps improve relationships and show a true professional.
However, when you take over the team and run the show by yourself, you kill the team.
(If you can do it by yourself, why include the team at all? Just erase the bottlenecks and the production like runs fine...till it over Heats, Kobe.)

New Year Late

2006-01-11T16:30:00.000-08:00

Welcome 2006!!!

It has been a while since my last post for mainly one reason. It's winter.

"So what?" you say.
"Winter means cold." I reply.
"So?"
"Cold means my computer room is quite nippy."
"?"
"Last time I was in there checking my mail, I spent time scraping snow off the tips of my hardened man nipples. Like Mt. Fuji they were. Sticking straight out into the stratosphere. "
"You have problems."
"My little fingers get cold."
"Turn on the heater."
"The wife will yell."
"Wear a jacket."
"Fingers get cold."
"Wear Gloves."
"olkzAg. tthis is whAt Happpwbnas wwhebn I thypw wirt gflkioves.q"
"Fine. Whatever."
"A HA!!! I win."
"Loser."
And then I crawl back into my little hole.

Anyway, it is because of that. I only went into my frozen computer room to get the frozen steak or to do something absolutely necessary on the computer (like e-mail the Honky Tonk Man).

Seldom the book is stasis till I finish IT. I wanted to read IT because I haven't yet and Stephen King is one of my favorites. I like his writing style. That does not mean I am not writing, it just means I am not writing right now. By the way, thank you Matt. I will let you know when I finish something I feel is good enough.

Ahhh, Hardened Man Nipples. I can hear it now.

"Get your man nipples. Get your HARDENED MAN NIPPLES!!! 2 for 5!!!"

It goes up there with swollen-sweaty-hairy donkey balls.

Gotta Run.

The Book of Seldom

2005-12-11T17:20:00.000-08:00

First I need to thank Tim for the heads up on Open Office. Not only did it help with my writing, but with my grading as well. This time around, only one student wrote "Hint Box" as an answer. Try as I might to not let some kids fail...at least one did. Again, the Tips from Tim have helped me in ways very few might have expected. So what if Open Office and Google Earth are both free (in theory), they helped open up opportunities.

Second, only because of timing, is Angelina. Thank you for taking the time to visit us. I know how busy you get. Kumiko was very happy to see you again, as was Billy. Our home is always open to you. We are glad we could help you get your fill of Hello Kitty. And thank you again for bringing stuff up. I stiff feel bad for asking so much.

Third, Creo Consulting, LLC Employment Agency for contacting me. I regret not being able to fill the position you offered as I am contracted out till March of 2007. If anyone is interested in a Bilingual Job in Southern Ohio, I suggest you look them up.

Fourth, on writing. I have started The Book of Seldom. It be a tiny notebook that outlines what I want to write. I fill it up with ideas for chapters, and then I fill in the text when I have time. I know this is like writing lyrics to music, but at least it is better than what I was doing (avoiding it). Fear of failure is not a factor ( as fas as it sucking goes), but fear of not being able to follow through/ finish is. There are too many stories that choke or drop the damn ball right at the end, I don't want this to be like that. That said, my book has started, and it is already fucked up.

Fifth, Daniel. Damn man. Your job is to serve people, but the fuck nuts that you have to handle are beyond the job description. Very few could keep it together like you do. The old guy who pissed in your empty cola can which he left upright in your trash...well, at least he told you. The others...well, if you think possitive, there are those who honestly need help and who behave according to what society dictates as normal. Daniel, you get the Citizen of the Seldom Award.

Sixth, on teaching. Last week I had a discussion with a student about whether you could get shot on the street in the US. I told him that there are dangerous areas, and yes, if you are not careful, you could get shot (go wear your colors in the wrong hood). He said that Japan is a safer place, and I responded by telling him, "Yes, except for the poor elementary school kids." These kids seem like targets. Kidnapped, raped, stabbed, or worse, these pint sized people have it hard. The generation before them doesn't want to work (yet apparently this lack of motivation does not extend to the urge to fuck with these kids, the next generation). You would thing that with the population decline the government would place a priority on keeping these kids alive let alone safe. Giving Kids pepper spray would not work. They aren't tall enough to hit a torso let alone eyes, and I know that as a kids, I would hit myself or my friends in the eyes with the stuff just to see what all the fuss was about. Alarms are not very effective as some parents don't have the cash to buy one (yes, this is true). The alarms don't really help if you are forced into a moving van.

It is great that the Japanese Govt is thinking about saving engery by wearing warmer clothes (and conducting fashion shows), but shouldn't the priority be on saftey?

Smothig, The little pimple

2005-12-03T00:22:00.000-08:00

Well, as I update my progress on writing, I have very little to report. I have started nothing as I am having problems installing Office 2003 on my laptop. The problem being the lack of the Office 2003 CD. It has traveled to the same location as the Service Pack 2 for XP update CD, the Norton's Anti-Virus CD, and many other program disks which I believe are important yet can not remember what they were for. Whew. That said, it is either word pad, notebook (as in a real notebook), or nothing. I choose you Pika-CHU!!! FUCK. There I go again.

Not having writen anything does not mean that I didn't think up anything. It does mean that there is a slim chance that I remembered anything I thought of, but at least I did something.

I did ask these questions:
Do I need a hero? No.
Do I want a hero? Only if the hero dies a painful yet meaningful death.
How you gonna kill'em off? Painfully.

Now if JK Rowling did this before writing Harry Potter...wouldn't that be fun.

Laters

ON WRITING, yet horribly writen (HAHA)

2005-11-29T07:02:00.000-08:00

I believe everyone has at least one novel in them. Granted some of them suck so bad that "A Study on Anal Warts" would beat them out of the best of the worst ideas for a book awards. I have started writing numerous times and yet have somehow quit even more (can't quite figure that one out).

Way back when I started a Yahoo Chat Room whilst in college (the lonely hearts club...I was in a Beatles mood), I found out I could write within a certain structure that could keep an audience. I kept it real and eliminated junk that tends to get me off track. Many who have heard me give a speech or presentation (college or after) may tell you that I can be interesting. Granted sometimes pointless, yet still interesting. Those who sat next to me at a bar heard me bitch about just about anything, then laugh it off. Cool, right? I could at least keep a drunkard's ass in a chair for a certain time (usually till I had to piss, avg. 15 min).

This brings me to a point (dull as it may seem). Even when I don't make any sense what-so-ever, I can keep an audience for a short period of time. Now, the challenge is to keep doing that over and over and over again. Okay, yes I teach, but I teach a different lesson every once in a while (I wonder how many kids would notice if I did the same lesson three times in a row). I change the topic, like in this blog.

So how to write something that will keep your attention, maintain some semblence of sanity or at least keep focused on the story, and make it interesting enough that I, myself, could write more than just 10 pages without totaly losing focus?

Well other than make this novel like a Seinfeld episode, I decided to put it off even before I started (AHH HA!!! That's how I quit more times than I started).

NO!!!

I will not give up, I will do a half-assed job, and get ideas from my little friend Bobo who lives in my big toe. Give Daddy a kiss Bobo...Damn, Bobo, go wash yourself. At least tell me if you stepped in dog vomit.

Well, maybe I will just post how many pages I wrote on this blog, use a computer with a spell checker, brush up on grammar, stop reading smut, and actually get to what I intended to do years ago...write a decent book I can read on my toilet.

(Thank you for your time!)

Jonathan Blowzlittldogz

2005-11-21T18:37:00.001-08:00

Jonathan Blowzlittldogz was taking a walk to the dock when he saw a frog.
The frog jumped left, the frog jumped right, the frog jumped high with much delight.
The man in a hat, he chased the frog, but then he tripped upon a log.
The man spilt change and coins went flying.
A curvy woman bent for a quarter lying gently in a crack
With stilletto heels, a teeny g-string, a mini skirt and flimsy top,
While bending over, she showed a lot.
Little Gary resisted not and took a peek at said exposed tw@t.
Poor Gary's girl pal Sally slapped the little punk and ran
Into the tall man getting a tan.
He jumped and cried then copped a feel.
(Oh my GOD!!! Are you for real?)
Yes, the tanning bastard copped a feel,
Sally let out a little yelp, then screamed and shouted
HELP HELP HELP!!!
Gary came to save the day, followed fast by Harry Gay.
Gary Punched that tanning man as Harry held poor Sally's hand.
Jonathan Blowzlittldogz breathed a sigh.
He thought that with his name he'd die.
But as he looked around the dock.
He thought again and this time, thought not.
For fucked up things are all around.
Even at the docks they can be found.
A frog escaped a French chef's pot.
The chef tripped up and lost a lot.
A woman showed off her tastey flower.
Gary peeked and Sally soured.
The tanning man got what he deserved.
And Harry Gay...well, he's just fine.

(And the moral of today's story? Eat your veggies.)

THE BIG 20

2005-11-07T16:56:00.000-08:00

NO! I did not turn 20, but I did make it to my 20th post. Yay me. Things that have happened to I, lately(and apparently later):

I have applied for many new jobs (hopefully I can get one of them), I am deflowering a RHPS virgin...later (OOOHHHH, Rocky-gotta find my heels), I was told I am just a conversation teacher (by the principal) and I am not worth it to have a salary at my current school (I get flat rate now, by the class) thus the applying for new jobs, I was insulted by a cow of a college professor/sales idiot when she made a very opinionated speach at the primary school my wife works at and I volunteer at, I noticed my son likes to write in the mirror image of things he is copying-3 looks like E and so on, I talked to a Shinobu-chan this morning (Shinobu is a naughty school girl who wants porn from me...) apparently, she will be 18 next month (this means she can get porn herself) yet she still asks, I can't find Carlos still (he is yet another MP3 Player) nor can I find the clone of PEPE, and I talked to Big Jono (well...mailed him) he has another boy.

Okay, the virgin is odd yet she has never seen Rocky. Unfortunately, I can't watch it with her, but there are the...others.

My current job is cool, summer sucks. No classes equals No pay. That makes me poor, but I can visit the US in a little wooden boat, YAY!!! That said, the principal has a point. I expected as much.

The Cow. She was the speaker at the end of the demonstration lessons. Usually these people give a general speach on education in general, she commented on all the lessons she stopped by to watch (they were all at the same time). She pointed out the good and the bad (opinions) and then she got to me. She copied my TPR memory device (Total physical response) stomping her feet and saying "I want to got to..." then she screamed "SORE KIRAI" (I hate that)...this elderly college professor says this in front officials of the city board of education, the regional education office, and my former colleagues (teachers and officals I have worked with and known for a while).

I did interupt her presentation at one point (while she was showing a video as not to cause a huge sceen, yet I did cause one) and I did make her nervous (Some of the other volunteers found that funny). I told her to appologize, but she refused. Later, the principal of that school asked me what happened. I told him straight out that I understood her opinion is her opinion, but you do not present it in this kind of forum in that way. She is elderly and supposedly experienced in giving speeches, yet there she was, describing her feelings towards my lesson (the breif part she saw) in such an abnoxious way. That and she said she'd take the time to talk to me after the presentation...she took off. I have more to tell, but I have to teach a class......

Laters

Atadon. Abstract and going nowhere...yet fun.

2005-10-31T17:08:00.000-08:00

In a tiny little recess of my mind, where all those goofy ideas come from, lightning stikes (sometimes). Alas, Pepe has passed on, Carlos, whom soon took his place, was stolen by the wife, and a toilet door almost bit my foot off as I was attempting to relieve myself (Yes, I know the door has nothing to do with the little recess of my mind, however, it does deal with the RECESS of my mind-mind lapse if you will- as well as to the reason why my foot hurts).
==================================
I still remember a well dressed person walking up to me in the States and asking me, "Have you found God?"
"..."
Waiting.
"Was he hiding?"
"What?"
"God... He was...hiding?"
Quiet pause...
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! GOD HIDES FROM ME!!!!!!!!!!!!" I run away, arms raised and waiving.

Well dressed person looks on in disbelief.
Oh ye of little faith.
(Yes, I lied, but wouldn't it be fun)
==================================
Last night was Halloween. I dressed as a cute Godzilla (I'll post a pic later) and brought along a Darth Maul mask. While trick-or-treating in a small neighborhood (another family hosts it every year) I put on the mask while walking as a cute dino-zilla. I scared the hell out of some kids. I think I heard that some girls were crying...HAHAHAHA!!!

Hard Gay was the most popular. I will explain later. However, many took pictures with Mr. Leather Ramone.
==================================
I see the light.

Taking Time

2005-10-26T20:31:00.000-07:00

Well, it has been a while. Busy and just unwilling to continue writing, perhaps. Nonetheless, I am back. Today , some students tried to convince me that it was a good idea to show BATTLE ROYAL during class, for Halloween. Granted, I am showing THE HAUNTING (the crappy version) for themed lessons, yet I am doing it because it is tame. Disney's HAUNTED MANSION would have been good too, but too many have seen it. These kids were in grade school when Haunting came out, so it seemed a safer bet.

BATTLE ROYAL was made a year after THE HAUNTING, but is still fresh in the minds of Japanese kids. As is RING and other popular Japanese horror flicks. While BR is the better movie by far, it is inappropriate to show in a classroom. My classroom is for art movies, classics, and crap. And again, I was asked why there is no porn...

I love my students.

Ahhh, Summer in my hometown

2005-08-22T20:53:00.000-07:00

First, I want to say "THANK YOU" to Tony and Angelina and Taro for helping out on Saturday. There was a tornado warning for our area and a good deal of flooding, trees falling, and...a ton of rain (for those of you who feel that measuring water in tons is not appropriate, I have a big ol' boot I can shove up your shriveled little shit hole).
Well, the story goes like this. We were in the US since Wednesday. The flight was good, and all. We just kinda chilled and shopped the next few days.
When Saturday came, so did Angelina and Tony. We were friends since way back...family friends, close friends...good friends. While I have great deal of respect for them and their family, they get more than that with whip cream and a cherry on top for helping us out on during this messed up weather. You too Taro. Thanks.
Above is a pic of North Olmsted's Mall. We parked not too far from this area of the lot. This would be Kaufmann's northern lot. This was not good. (NOTE: these are in no particular order)

To the right is a police car near Tony and Angelina's parent's home. Why is it there? Well wait and I'll get to it. These are in no particular order.

This is near the Dollar store. You can see a TOPS
supermarket in the back on the left. It isn't easy to see, but under the car's headlight you can just make out a yellow police or caution line (It was raining hard, I didn't bother to check ti too hard). It went across the intersection which contained much sewage and rainwater, Yum! Oh, power was out in my parent's home. Only about 40% of the people on my street lost power. We were one of 'em.

Oh, again Kaufmann's. Poor people. One lady was crying. One guy drove his car out. A tow truck couldn't help. Car alarms were going off. And the mall was at a loss for what to do. It usually does not get this bad. (Just so you know, it usually does not get this bad).

And back to the police car. This was in the street. Along with other trees, branches and junk (things floating) this got our attention cause there are old trees near Angelina's place. Her house was okay, but this tree didn't have a chance.

Toe truck. Heehee.

People stranded, watching their cars quietly drowning. Apparently, some could still run, but think of the floor. One guy was shooting water out his exhaust. Anything in the muffler should evaporate out eventually, but still...

From the left.

I wish we had time to help, but my cousin was helping bail out my parent's basement, and we were gonna get flashlights, buckets, and candles at the dollar store. Thanks again to Angelina, Tony, and Taro. You guys helped out a good deal. I'm glad I didn't set up any other meetings this particular weekend, but you guys made time for us.

Summer News 2005

2005-08-11T02:18:00.000-07:00

It has been too long since I last posted, but I was too busy and tired. I finishes pretty much all of my summer work duties so now I can do vacation with style. I am returning to the US briefly. Till then...

The Dno

The Passin' of Pepe

2005-07-29T17:57:00.000-07:00

(Note: not exactly the Passion of Christ)

Please bow your heads...but not so low that you can't read this.

We are here today to mourn the passing of a good...(for lack of a more appropriate word) player. Pepe was many things; a CD player, an MP3 player, a friend...a companion. One could listen to Pepe for hours on end, his mortality only noticed by his batterys' charge. Now, with a life countable in months, Pepe is no longer among us. Although the cause of such a premature demise has not yet been determined, we know Pepe fought long and hard against the eternal rest(so hard that I think it caused him to break the internal mechanism which causes the disk to spin). Pepe will be missed. He is survived by several CD-Rs; MP3s A-H and MP3s G-Z as well as several Don or Dno Mixes.

Not all are sad about the Passing of Pepe. Kumiko, who has verbally stated her dislike of Pepe, has made this remark, "You have the warranty! I'll take you to Don Quijote (where Pepe is from) to replace it." AAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!! THERE IS NO REPLACEMENT FOR YOU PEPE!!!!!!!

*Sniff, sniff*

Now, please raise your goblets as Bobo passes around the wine. (time passes)

Let us drink to Pepe!!! May your large ears flap forever in the winds of our memories!

Thank you

(Pepe on his death bed)

Rare photo of Sleepinicus Billyicus

2005-07-08T22:55:00.000-07:00

Okay class. We have here a picture of the Sleepinicus Billyicus or the Sleeping Billy. This 3 year old wirlwind barely ever sits still, let alone passes out. Most kids have abundant energy, but few go from 6:30 a.m. till midnight without taking a breather. Yes, even in day care, this pint sized locomotive just pretends to nap. His teachers once worried, yet now know that he is a freak of nature.

Notice some tell tale signs of this not being fake. No pillow. Billyicus HATES his pillow. No blankets. Billyicus does not do well with blankets.
Also notice the position of Billyicus. Although temporary, this is a typical position as the Billyicus (一早: Kazusasaurus in Japanese). Billyicus tends to roll, turn, flop, and gyrate into comfy positions while asleep; leading caretakers of such a creature to think he is behaving the same as if awake...actually, there is not much of a difference since he talks in his sleep too.

And then there were more...

2005-07-08T22:27:00.000-07:00

Birds. Those feathery flying things that crap everywhere. At least they eat bugs, right?

Anyway, a pair had decided to nest in our apartment's enterance. Here you see the nest Version 3.2 adorning the "whatever the hell you call it." Versions 1 and 2 didn't make it in previous years. I think the city knocked 'em down. Version 3.1 was stoned by little kids, and yet these tenacious little swallows rebuilt what was left of 3.1 to make a happy home for 4 new little chicky nuggets...I mean baby birds.

When Grading is the Test

2005-07-05T18:26:00.000-07:00

Again, this pic isn't the best, but live with it. You can just make out the answer to #5. This answer is "Hint Box."

The directions stated that students are to use the "Hint Box" to the right of the passage to find the missing words of said passage. The part for #5 read, "What kind of (5) programs do you like?" Apparently, this genious thought long and hard. Notice the triangles, those are for partial points...I gave them for effort. Sometimes, I wish I wouldn't, but then too many would fail. Note: you need to get less than 25 points to fail.

Pepe

2005-06-27T18:01:00.000-07:00

Although this is not a great pic (from my old crappy cell phone), it does show a pic of Pepe. Pepe is on top near the off button. He is proclaiming that he has big ears. Below Pepe is a little dude with a very large head asking for a story. Be nice and tell him one.

Oh, and on the very top is a notice stating that this player is "Property of THE DNO."

Eric's Wedding at Toshogu Shrine in Nikko Japan

2005-06-26T17:02:00.000-07:00

Hello all, sorry for the long absense. The following and I guess surrounding are pics from Mr. Eric and Yumi Anderson's Wedding at the World Heritage Sight of Nikko, Tochigi, Japan (the Toshogu Shrine).

On the left is the Happy Couple, Adam, and the Shinto priest who looks a lot like the crown prince of Japan.

THis is a lame attempt by me to work the friggin' Digital Camera. Eric has been smiling all day. Plus he just got married. I need to change my undies cause they are soaked with butt sweat.

Stacks of Sake for the temple, Just thought I'd take a pic.

The procession. I am good at taking pics of the back of people's heads.

Below is Rob thinking about how nice rain might be...or even a cool breeze, beer, or sponge bath (opps that's me).

Just outside the Shrine. Gotta watch your step or all the tourists (not seen but lots present) don't get a good laugh.

A pic of inside the hot shrine. The photogragher was takin' pics, so I felt no aversion. I shouldn't get in trouble for this pic.

A pic of a hot Dno. Notice the tourists in the background. Some stopped us as we were leaving the shrine to take "our" picture (mine and Rob's).

A bad pic of the Sleeping Cat of Nikko (I think, I really don't think I'd just take a pic of the stairs).

A Pic of a lady pointing at the Sleeping Cat.

And a pic of our group and Eric and Yumi (notice I am not pictured cause I am taking the photo's).

And another pic of our group and Eric and Yumi (notice I am not pictured cause I am taking the photo's).

Thanks "cousin" Eric. He was at My wedding, Rob's wedding, Billy's birth (got to see and hold him too...cause we foreigners can get away with stuff), and helped me out when I was in the hospital (we played magic and bullshited). I was honored to be there for him. Good luck Eric and Yumi!!! May your days be fun yet sane.

He's Back

2005-06-11T17:44:00.000-07:00

Pepe is found!!!

Stowed away in the recesses of the couch, Pepe was unable to "cry for help" during this crisis. No, not a peep from Pepe. The wife still says she has nothing to do with it, but maintains the position that she is not a Pepe fan. There will be a celebration of the finding of Pepe with much mirth and merriment. If you are unable to attend this glorious event, please take the time to dance in the confines of your computer chair. Just imagine the cd quality mp3s jumping from Pepe's speakers. You are much welcome to be part of this happy occasion. The wife however, is not invited.

Pepe, He is missing!!!

2005-06-06T16:50:00.000-07:00

Oh my....I can't find Pepe. He has been missing for about a week. If anyone can find him, he is a cd/mp3 player with big ears. He has a friend named Glub who asks everybody he meets to tell him a story. If you see him, please tell him I miss him. I do understand that the harsh words Kumiko (for those of you who forget...or just don't know, she is my wife) said cut deep into your battery powered...components. However, we still made a good team. I put batteries in you, slapped a cd down in you, and put the ear buds on and...and you played the audio files!!!!!!!! Oh boo hooo hoooooo!!! PPPEEEEEEpppeeeeeeee!!!

==============================
Pepe really is missing. I think he might be in the trunk of my wife's car. Why there? Ask her (she might tell you that I put him there, lies...lies, maybe).

Carpet Stain

2005-05-21T07:59:00.000-07:00

No pictures for this one.

Now kids say the darndest things and all, but they also do weird shit that you usually are never prepared for. Enter the "Carpet Stain!!!" (just pretend you hear Hitchcock type music).

Ah, what a busy day it was today. I had two morning classes which went a bit over time. Kumiko had shopping and cleaning to take care of. Billy had his homework. We were all doing things today. Busy busy busy.

During my second class of this morning, apparently Billy wanted to use the toilet. He has gotten used to using it since he started pre-school. Now he wants to use it more often than not. That said, after class, I went to relieve myself there were 4 tiny logs in the toilet. Not floating, but tiny 3 year old kid produced shit logs. I (as most people do) stated the obvious, "Billy pooped?" loud enough for Kumiko to hear. "He did?" was the reply.

Okay, now this is a real puzzle. The kid usually announces things like Billy Droppings proudly. This morning, he refused to admit that he...Shit in the toilet. That's all well and fine, but someone needs to wipe his ass. Whether that someone is himself or someone unlucky enough to be on 'doodie' it only matters that his ass is wiped. Apparently, since he denied pooping to both his mommy and to himself (before I asked) the act of wiping didn't occur as it should have.

Now I was a bit confused. Billy had appeared behind me to see in the toilet. He was still denying all. Believe it or not, his shit was in the toilet.

Now I take you this evening. Lets just say that time had passed. Kumiko made it back from a meeting at about 8:30. Billy and I didn't go cause we were tired. About the time Kumiko started cooking, Billy started complaining about something on the carpet. I investigated, and the mystery of the wiping of the ass was solved. I guess you can say that he did it himself. Yup, there was a shit stain on our shaggy carpet.

I am pretty sure I got it out. Soda water, baking soda, vinegar, shampoo, and some other chemicals that I am pretty sure are used for cleaning up shit. At least the carpet is white again.

Have a nice day.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVE!!!!!!!

2005-05-15T09:17:00.000-07:00

Like it or not, Kumiko posed with the two race queens that hit on Billy(?). They did ask her about make-up tips. (Get in good with the mama).

2005-05-15T09:15:00.000-07:00

Billy and me with two race queens. They loved him, and remembered him from the day before. Hehe, they even said they wish they were 3 again so they could date him. Billy's mama didn't like that too much; good boy.

2005-05-15T09:12:00.000-07:00

Billy checking out the Official yellow Car.

Golden Showers

2005-05-15T03:25:00.000-07:00

Hello all out there in Ternet land,

Hope all is well.

Busy people are often...well, busy. I tend to be one of these "busy" types and as such I don't post very often, but when I do I want to at least say something of interest...

Golden Week 2005 @ Twin Ring Motegi

The following is the letter I sent out to the English Information Line the put on the English version of their web site. The letter should speak for itself.

Horrible experience at Hotel Twin Ring

To whom it may concern,

I hope this message finds its way to the right person. I would like to tell you about what my family experienced during your Golden Week Carnival. This was the second time my family has attended the Golden Week event, and things have changed drastically. We were very shocked and dismayed by the horrible treatment we received at your “resort style” hotel.

On your English web site, it states;

“At Hotel Twin Ring, a resort-style hotel, all the rooms are spacious twin rooms where you can really feel at home and relax.

There are restaurants where you can enjoy Japanese, Italian and Chinese (Sichuan style) cuisines, and there is also a bar lounge and a karaoke room.

We hope you will enjoy a very pleasant stay in the beautiful natural setting.”

Last year, my son was only 2, and we felt it was a good experience for him to visit the race track. We reserved a room at the last minute and were treated very nicely. The food was great and the atmosphere was wonderful. Our son loved it so much that we decided to go again this year, even though the cost has increased. This year, however, we felt more cheated than relaxed. The only comfort we received at the hotel was from the bar and the gift center. There are four main happenings that really bothered us, and actually made my wife cry as we returned to our room on the night of May 3^rd.

First, upon arrival at the hotel, I was with my son and carried most of our luggage. At the time I was asked if I needed assistance, and I said that I was waiting for my wife to come back from the parking lot so that we could check-in. I was not sure which room we were to stay in at the time. My wife came into the lobby about 5 minutes later and we proceeded to check-in. After doing so, I was still with our baggage and we had to ask before being assisted with them. My wife felt uneasy about this.

Second, my wife had made a reservation over the phone, instead of over the internet. She felt more comfortable making the reservation this way. One of the first things she asked for was if course view was available, and we were told “yes.” We requested the course view as our 3 year old son loved it so much last year. However, we were placed in room 341 this year. What difference does this make? Well, please take a look out the window, and see for yourself the beautiful view of the second floor walkway to your lovely parking lot. Not the race track, not even the mountain. Thanks for nothing. My son was really excited to see the back of your building. This made us all unhappy.

Third, at dinner, we were again not too happy. We were asked when we would like to start our meal during check-in, and we asked what a good time would be, we were told that at 7:30, things were quieter. We should have said 6:30 (the earliest time).

We were shown our seats and began to get our meals. The buffet this year not only seemed to lack in quality, it was poorly maintained. It does not matter that 7:30 is the latest time to start; quality should always be a concern. As I started, there was no salad dressing, the sushi looked about a day old, there seemed to be only one worker rushing to fix things, and there was a lack of labels. If I am correct, there have been several Golden Week buffets and I assume you offer it at other times too. You are a hotel, and you have reservations. You know how many people you are going to have to feed. We all pay. If there is leftover food, it happens.

As we returned to our seats, our son tried his best to sit in the seat provided. We had to ask for a child’s seat. We received it, but then I had to ask for a child’s fork and spoon as my wife went to get some steaks for us. Great service!!! This was certainly world class treatment.

When my wife returned, she was very unhappy. It appears that your steak cook was very busy. My wife waited in line behind one lady. This lady was asked if she asked for two steaks then received them. Then, the cook looked past my wife (as if she wasn’t worth serving) and asked the man behind her how many steaks he wanted. Don’t you think this is insulting?

My wife was so angered by this that she called over a server to explain what happened. The server apologized and said she would talk to a manager. A manager did appear and listened to my wife’s complaints. My wife also mentioned the baggage and room problems which occurred earlier. The manager said that he would look into the problems and that we would be contacted by phone. After this, the steak cook visited our table, apologized (very weakly), and gave us a freshly cooked steak.

At this point, my wife was about to cry. She felt better that she had explained her disappointment, but the stress of a stay that had not been more than 2 hours till this point (we had checked in a little after 6) had already started to sink in. Not to mention that the steaks last year seemed of very high quality. This year, they seemed freezer burned and were so fatty that my son had to spit it out.

Fourth, we returned to our room and waited till about 10:30pm for a call. After, deciding that we had had enough, we went to the bar/lounge. There was only one of the other tables being used and the jazz music playing on the speakers was very comforting. The service here was great, and after my wife and son retired to our room, I had a nice time talking to the bartender. However, as I mentioned, the bar and the gift center were the only places we enjoyed.

I returned to our room before midnight and asked if anyone had called. No one had. We stayed in our room until about 7:50am and still no call. Breakfast was alright, and we returned to our room. We waited till around 11am to leave because my wife was stressed and for the call that never came (a waste of our time that could have been spent enjoying the attractions…we didn’t have nearly enough time to help our son finish the “dream adventure” course for kids). We finally checked-out and my wife again explained what had happened to the lady at the desk. The lady at the checkout counter said that she would check on the problems and that we would be contacted. We are still waiting.

You could contact me in English; however, since my wife was insulted, I suggest you contact her, in Japanese. We are both teachers and are used to respect and correct students when they make mistakes. Apparently, we need to correct older generations too. Perhaps we expected too much from your hotel. I wish we could say that we enjoyed ourselves. You made our stay, our Golden Week, something we would like to forget. I cannot recommend Hotel Twin Ring to anyone and I am hesitant to recommend anyone to even visit Twin Ring Motegi. I still can’t believe how many times we have had to explain ourselves to you without proper response.

Sincerely,

Donald Vinn Kerns

__________________________________________________________________

Was it that bad? Yes.

Did we have a good time? We didn't gloom around, but it could have been much much better.

Were they actually at fault, or were our standards too high? We did go there last year and paid more this year.

What did they do (after someone translated this and gave it to the Hotel Twin Ring's management)? They called my wife and wanted to go to our home to appologize. In the end, they asked us to give them another chance and sent us coupons for free rooms. We are in no hurry to return.

2005-04-29T18:27:00.000-07:00

2005-04-29T05:21:00.000-07:00